fail.com

sure. let your kid tear apart the package of a product. why do i care. i only repaired 2 already today, and you're walking out. no big deal.

i often wonder if i made a big mistake turning down the spot with the contemporary dancers last year. my life would certainly be much different. i wouldn't be as frustrated with myself (letting myself get so lazy and out of shape) and humanity (working retail 8 hours a day, 6 days a week).
but i honestly don't know if i + it would've =ed such a good fit.

i love dance, don't get me wrong. but i just didn't know if it was the exact kind i wanted to do everyday for, at least, several years.

i'm a little lacking in the self-confidence department when it comes to dance. especially more recently.

i just feel so clumsy, even after 17 or so years. i can't find my balance easily, and i just feel like i make the positions and exercises look. well. ugly. i can't look at myself in the mirror, but i just feel so down and heavy, that i can't even imagine how i look. and forget going to the front row. i somehow always manage to snag the back right corner...and stay there.

i don't know if this dance-esteem issue was brought on or fueled by the awful teacher i went to for 3 classes late last year. telling me i don't have technique and that i should be in a beginners class with girls in their first year.. i wonder sometimes if she was jealous of me, or punishing me for something..?

nonetheless, i've certainly thought about it more this year, even when my current teacher praises and corrects me. i've never thought i was the best, but i've also never thought i was as bad as this teacher makes me out to be. i didn't belong in a beginners class, and placing me in one was ubsurd. if i was at this level, 17 years would have been for naught. i couldn't possibly have zero technique, and being out of shape and out of the studio for a year wouldn't even put me in this situation. at least i would hope that my other teachers would've pointed this out and corrected me, but clearly it didn't need to be. i'm over thinking this. 2 classes left. am i going to go further? am i as bad as i think, as that teacher wants me to think?

i wish everyone would just get out.